I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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