I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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