If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
