Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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