There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize