Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
