Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's never too late to be topless.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
