i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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