No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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