I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
