i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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