marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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