I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
