I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
