The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
