xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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