My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
