whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
