I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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