So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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