yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
