Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
