I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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