lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
