we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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