It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize