I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
