As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
