Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
