got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
