I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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