I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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