fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
