Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize