We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
