I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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