party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
