omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I love having hate sex.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
