at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
