You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
