this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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