4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
