I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
