I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize