If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
