ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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