I must be too annoying 4 u.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
