Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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