Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
