Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize