went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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