But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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