I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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