I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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