we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
