somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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