I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
