My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
