I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
