On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize