Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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