A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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