did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
