a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
