Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
