3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
