I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize