4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
