And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
