That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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