i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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