sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
