he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
