New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
