Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
