We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
