if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
