Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
