he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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