hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
