Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
