there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
