Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
