Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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