Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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