For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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