he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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