: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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