I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
