i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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