I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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