I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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