That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
