omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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