I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
