We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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