I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize